JOHN G. SELF

If You Need A Smile

Unemployment is devastating.  The economic recovery and the hyper-critical, demonizing culture that has taken over Washington is enough to make us all crazy.  

We need more distractions.

Then along comes a nice little movie that makes us smile and helps us to forget those out-of-touch, self-absorbed, banty roosters who strut the halls of Congress, the Executive Office Building and, of course, K Street.

I highly recommend the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, with a superb ensemble cast, a wonderful story and some clever, laugh-out-loud lines.  

TRAILER

At the conclusion, the audience clapped.  People left smiling.  

There was nary a trace of the frustration at the hoards of banty roosters in Washington

Bullying In Schools: Friendwatch - A Video Lifeline for Adolescents

I am one of the lucky ones -- a parent who did not have any significant growing up drama with my sons -- radical rebellion, problems with drugs or alcohol, flirtations with body art -- that sort of thing.  My heart goes out to parents who have not been so fortunate, for whatever reason.

The parents of today’s generation have all of the fears and concerns that we Baby Boomer parents had, plus a few more.  One problem that is gaining notoriety because of a small but steady increase in the number of childhood and adolescent suicides is bullying, both physical and digital.  Parents who have been to hell and back with their kids for addictions or other serious problems, may sneer, thinking this is a contrived issue that is getting more media attention than it deserves. No disrespect intended, but I disagree.

For parents of adolescents it poses a unique threat because, unlike an addiction or other behavioral disorders, there may be no outward signs of a growing crisis.  In far too many school systems that can barely educate our children, much less detect a threat to their well-being, the hallways, cafeteria, library, and bathrooms are becoming zones for potential verbal and frequently physical attack.

Bullying produces a unique level of shame.  As a recovering nerd who suffered from much childhood angst, my ninth grade year was truly forgettable. I know how it feels. Why me?  What did I do?  There is a sense of dread, isolation and, at times, fear.  Then there are the darker thoughts...

There is a new video that provides a point of contact -- a lifeline -- for students who are experiencing this hideous treatment and isolation.  I hope you will take a minute to check it out and share it with others. Friendwatch is designed to allow students to deal with this experience in their own way. 

If you are a parent, pay attention.  Do not overreact because that can make it worse.   But do not assume that all will be OK, that this, too, shall pass.  For the victim of prolonged bullying, a week can seem like a horrible, never-ending nightmare for which there is only one ending.

www.friendwatch.org

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about leadership, current events, and life's wonderful ironies in a speech that is laced with humor and satisfying stories regarding the challenges we all face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

The Greater Gift

One of the great joys of life is to hear people laugh – not a polite snicker but full-on, uproariously satisfying laughter.  The greater gift is to be able to elicit laughter from a crowd.

When we think of laughter, we typically make a straight line connection with the art of stand-up comedy, a tough, unforgiving profession to which many aspire and precious few find real success.  When you ask stand-up comics why they endure the tough times, most will say that there is no greater professional reward than to have that great night where your material is in sync with the audience’s mood and there is wave after wave of appreciative laughter.  They will also tell you that the path to those great performance moments is a narrow high wire where a misstep can lead to crushing rejection.  In the comedy business, rejection is very personal.

Laughter is an important tool in the art of leadership, especially in healthcare where the waves of dynamic change will elicit laughter, or cries of anguish, depending on the relative health of an organization’s balance sheet.  Leaders who can laugh, and the CEOs with the great talent for creating laughter while expressing confidence of success through turmoil, will earn the never-ending loyalty of their closest colleagues and employees.

Another important leadership element that often goes unrewarded is the art of storytelling.  Organizational consultants will say that the ability to weave captivating stories regarding important cultural values will enhance the message and contribute to its sustainability. 

Stories that reinforce mission-critical values and make us laugh are golden as are the talented leadership who possess those skills.

When you ask a successful leader his or her definition of that “sweet spot” for achievement, they will say when everyone in the organization is truly in sync about the mission, vision and values.  For a leader, that is the greater gift.

 

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston.  John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about leadership, current events, and life's wonderful ironies in a speech that is laced with humor and satisfying stories regarding the challenges we all face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

Virtue Is On The Rebound

Virtue is making a comeback.

That is what many social scientists believe.  All of the social indicators for the Millennial Generation are heading in the right direction and that is truly good news for our society.  The divorce rate for people under 30, when compared to people over 30 who have been married for the same time, is down.  The crime rate is down.  Domestic violence among the Millennials is down.  Teenage pregnancy rates are down.

However, there is one dark side to this otherwise good news: the annual deficit and the ballooning national debt.  My generation, the Baby Boomers -- also known as the go into debt consumption generation -- have saddled our children with a real financial mess that will require shared and prolonged sacrifice to avoid a Greek-style catastrophe.  The heady go-go days, when it seemed we could do whatever we wanted, are gone-gone and we left the bill on the table for our kids.  As a generation we have acted exactly like the Wall Street bad actors that created the mortgage-backed securities mess and then hoped it wouldn’t blow up before bonuses were paid.

The bad news is that Congress, "the grand benevolent asylum for the helpless," as Mark Twain called them, seems unable to do the right thing.  In poll after poll, Americans say they want Congress to solve problems, to compromise in order to get things done.  Unfortunately, compromise has become an eight letter bad word, especially if you want to get re-elected.  Democrats and Republicans, who know that their popularity with the voters is at historic lows, are like the crack head who knows that sucking on the pipe is bad, but they just can't seem to help themselves.  They are addicted to the proposition that getting re-elected is the most important thing in life and collaborating with enemies of the state -- the other political party -- is sure way to draw a primary opponent or get no support from their respective congressional campaign funds, never mind the ridicule of Rush Limbaugh or the hosts of MSNBC.

Each party blames the other for the lack of progress.  They are clueless to the fact that the American people blame them both.

Virtue may be on the rebound, except on Capitol Hill.  But then most of the leaders who spawned this sinkhole are Baby Boomers.

In some Christian circles, the acronym WWJD – What Would Jesus Do? – is applied to all manner of situations.  In the case of Congress I am reminded of Matthew 12 and the story of the money changers...

 

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about life's ironies, humor and the challenges we face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

A Reason to Smile: Using Technology to Change Lives in Nursing Homes

Let's face it.  The Baby Boomers -- and that would include me -- are getting older. We are flooding into the federal goverment's Social Security and Medicare programs at a record pace -- one person every 4 seconds. I am not there yet, but I can see the entrance from my upcoming birthday.

This actuarial fact of life -- or nightmare if you are frightened of the federal government's escalating budget deficit crisis --  has dire economic and social consequences. 

If you are a young healthcare management graduate student looking for work, you may want to consider long-term care. 

Once the ignored outback of the healthcare industry, shunned by many hospital executives as a career path for lesser leaders who could not cut it in the the demanding world of medical center management, long-term care is emerging not only as a rewarding and challenging career, but as a place where major transformation will occur.

Now that I have set the table of an important industry trend, I want to share with you a fascinating and uplifting YouTube video illustrating how long-term care teams are using amazing technology to enhance the lives of some people suffering from dementia -- an affliction that has been described by family members as the long, slow, and painful goodbye.

The amazing technology that is making a difference?  Apple's iPod and headphones.

Watch this.  You will be amazed.

If you can't smile after watching this video, maybe a career outside of healthcare would be the best road for you to travel.

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about life's ironies, humor and the challenges we face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

Keeping Our Wits and Our Sense of Humor

With a hat tip to Bonnie Berube, RD, of Houston, and to the very clever soul who created the following story, thanks for providing me with a great vehicle on which to make an important point.

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.  His soul arrived in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 

"Welcome to heaven," said St. Peter.  "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.  We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." 


"No problem, just let me in," replied the Senator. 

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups.  What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity," St. Peter said. "Really?,  I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," the Senator insisted. 


"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," St. Peter said.

And with that, St. Peter escorted him to the elevator which transported him down, to hell. 
The doors opened and the Senator found himself in the middle of a lucious green golf course. 


In the distance was a clubhouse and standing in front were all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. 


 They ran to greet him, shook his hand, and reminisced about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne. 


 Thee devil was present.  He seemed like a very friendly guy who had  a good time dancing and telling jokes. 


Before the Senator realized it,  his 24 hours had expired.  It is time to go. 


Everyone gave him a hearty farewell as the elevator rose to heaven.

The elevator door reopened in heaven where St. Peter was waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven."  The Senator joined a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud,  playing the harp and singing.  They had such a good time that before he realized it, his 24 hours in heaven had passed.  


"Well, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Which do you want for your eternity?" St. Peter asked.

The Senator reflected for a minute, then he answered: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." 


So St. Peter escorted him to the elevator and he returned to hell for his eternity.

The doors opened and the stunned Senator found himself in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. 
 All his friends, dressed in rags,  were picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash fell around them.  The devil came over to him and put his arm around his shoulders. 


"I don't understand," stammered the Senator.  "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.  What happened?"

The devil smiled and said, 
"Yesterday we were campaigning, 


Today, you voted."

In these trying times, as we are faced with big challenges with major consequences in our jobs and for our careers, we must all keep our wits about us, and our sense of humor as our constant companion.

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about life's ironies, humor and the challenges we face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

Focus On What You Have, Not What You Lost

It is Holy Week for most members of the Christian faith.  Whether you are a believer or not, you have to agree that what occurred on Tuesday afternoon in the DFW metro area -- with 12 tornadoes within a four-hour time span and no serious injuries or loss of life -- was nothing short of miraculous.

As residents in Lancaster, Arlington, Irving, Forney, and Royse City returned to their damaged homes and businesses, and as volunteers came to their aid, I was reminded of the words of Bishop T.D. Jakes of Potter's House in Dallas when he spoke about "those things that we have lost and those things we have."  His message was that if you focus on that which you have lost, you will not be able to appreciate the blessings of those things you still have.

I could not help but think of the thousands of DFW residents who lost possessions on Tuesday afternoon -- houses, furniture, personal treasures.  News reporters interviewed countless victims.  Their descriptions were vivid but, remarkably, I did not hear people talk about their loss.

"The house, all the things we own -- our clothes, the furniture, our car and truck -- they are all insured.  That stuff can be replaced," one victim said as he surveyed what little was left of his two-story home in Forney, Texas, a bedroom community just east of Dallas.  "What I could never replace is my wife, my children and my very good neighbors.  All of this damage and no one was killed, no one was seriously hurt. I still have so much.

"Tomorrow we will start to work on rebuilding but I am not sad.  I am one very happy man." 

There are theologians who argue that people who focus on the promises of tomorrow without appreciating the blessings of today are missing the point.  The words of Bishop Jakes and those theologians were not lost on that Forney resident.  He did not see hinself as a victim. He was just a man who was enormously thankful for what he still had.

A great lesson for all aspects of our life. 

Photo Credit: Steve Pfost /Staff Photographer, Dallas Morning News

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about life's ironies, humor and the challenges we face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

The Perils of Renting A Tuxedo

THE TUXEDO RENTAL STORE -- This is a cautionary tale for those who will be renting tuxedos for this prom/wedding/fundraising season.  It is not the same as buying a suit. 

That distinction begins when they take your measurements.  The clerk at this north Dallas tuxedo rental store was more interested in collecting the rental fee.  For someone who is much more comfortable buying from Brooks Brothers, this was an odd experience.  Actually, it was a mini-disaster in the making. 

My son married a wonderful and beautiful woman.  That was the good news.  The better news is that they adore one another and they seem to get what so many in my generation failed to understand:  that love, life and a lasting relationship is less about the atmospherics and more about the person you choose to spend your life with.

Now the bad news:  my tux did not fit.  By the time the wedding started Saturday afternoon in San Antonio’s beautiful San Fernando Cathedral, I was wearing parts of three different tuxedo rentals.

Here, albeit in brief summary, are the details of my tuxedo rental experience.

• Mall stores typically open at 10 AM.  Armed with that established fact, I arrived at this mall rental outlet five minutes early.  In reality, I was 65 minutes early – remarkably this location did not open until 11 AM.  Turns out the posted opening time can be flexible.  They opened 10 minutes late.
• The measurement process took less time than it took to collect my $172 rental fee – both were surprises.  My experience strongly suggests that the cursory measurement process (read:  guesstimation) is apparently hit or miss.
• ALWAYS try on the tuxedo when you pick it up.  Two of the three people picking up rentals when I was in the store had the wrong sizes.
• My pants were too short, a crucial button was missing, and the coat they ordered for me was too small.  Not a problem, I was told, I could use another pair of pants in the store after a quick alteration, and they would send another coat to their San Antonio branch.
• The “formal” silky smooth shirt was a chemical-blend death trap.  My wife warned me to stay away from candles because if I caught fire, the whole Cathedral might go up in smoke.  Hey, at least it fit.
• Once in San Antonio, I picked up my replacement coat as well as a replacement for one of the groomsmen.  When I got to the hotel and tried on the replacement jacket, I discovered it was the wrong size.

On the most important day of my son’s life, I was faced with a terrible choice – wear a coat that was too small or one in which I could not see my hands.

Remember the tux rental shop that was late opening at 11 AM? They wanted to charge a late fee because my wife returned the garment(s) just after noon on the Monday following the Saturday afternoon wedding.  When the clerk explained the late fee to my wife, he had a near death experience.

The wedding was terrific.  Moreover, I learned an important lesson.  Several of the groomsmen had similar experiences with their rentals but they didn’t care.  They were there for their good friend, and everything else was just not that important.

I agree.  In retrospect, it was funny.

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about life's ironies, humor and the challenges we face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

West Bank Rotary, Garden Clubs Are Similar

The Rotary Club is an integral part of many communities across America.  They are a weekly gathering point for business and civic leaders to come together, break bread and engage in important fellowship and networking.  Their overarching goal is to serve the community and Rotary, along with other service clubs in the U.S., do an admirable job.

But their traditions, which includes a requirement to attend meetings weekly -- or make up for an absence by visiting another club -- sometimes makes them a target for good natured jest.

I experienced the latter several years ago when I was invited to a meeting of the West Bank Rotary Club near Waco, Texas.  I have attended Rotary meetings for years as a frequent guest speaker.  I have always enjoyed their fellowship, and hopefully I left behind some ideas or wisdom that benefited a community or its members.  So, when I was asked to attend this "club" I had no reasons to suspect anything out of the ordinary -- until I started asking some basic questions: like the address of the meeting location and driving directions.  This was, after all, Central Texas, an area I have visited frequently, but I had never heard the name of the town before.

That is when things got interesting.  It seems as though this club was a little -- no, a lot -- different from any “real” Rotary Club I had ever attended.  There were time-honored rules that had to be followed.

1. The meeting location for non-members (and the wives of members) was secret.  I would be driven.  A blindfold was not necessary but I had to agree not to attend a lunch meeting uninvited.

2. I could not divulge the name of the establishment or that there was even such a group as the West Bank Rotary Club.

3. Members could only attend three meetings per month.  This limitation was based on a desire to not cause the members problems with local employers since meetings, from time to time, could be lengthy.  After attending three meetings in a row, members had to sit out three meetings unless they were self-employed and their wife was not threatening divorce.

4. The group only met at lunch, and only on Fridays; the day before a national holiday, excluding Christmas and Good Friday; or the day of a funeral of a current member.

5. Barbecue and assorted customary side dishes were the only things ever served at club meetings, except ice-cold beer.  The temperature of the beer was more important than the quality of the barbecue, which suited the proprietor of the meeting hall -- a small country store located at a wide spot on an obscure Farm Road -- just fine.

6. The club prohibited educational programs of any kind. 

7. Anyone who suggested that the club have a program was banned for life.

8.  Each week, a member who would be attending was required to bring at least one guest -- with plenty of cash, the more the better.

9. Members paid for their lunches.  Guests were required to pay the beer tab. 

My tab was almost $200, plus tip.  I am glad bad weather and several telephone calls from anxious wives forced adjournment.  We were getting close to the point where recapitalization would have been required to keep the meeting in session.

When I asked the wife of one of the founding members what she thought of her husband’s disappearance on Friday afternoons for long meetings at an undisclosed place in the country, she replied,

“I do not say a word.  I go to a local garden club meeting once a week and we haven’t discussed gardening in 20 years.  It is just booze and news.”

There is fairness in life and love after all.

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about life's ironies, humor and the challenges we face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

A Liar and the Man Who Told the Truth

Telling the truth is a bedrock principle for a civil society.  It is necessary to ensure success in forming enduring relationships, both in our personal and business lives.

But there are times when the truth is unwelcome.  It is just too unpleasant, disruptive, or inconvenient.

Throughout our lives we slowly move from a life of black and white absolutes as a child to  the challenges of an adult dealing with a maze of shades of gray. 

Let’s set aside for a moment the nasty unpleasant truths like our looming financial crisis or those inconvenient truths like the fact that our national discourse is defined by a couple of spectacular oxymorons: “national will” and “political truth.”  I think it best if I leave those important issues for the big-thinking professionals like Bill O’Reilly, Jon Stewart, and Bill Maher.

I would rather focus on an issue about which I know something about:  how to put your best foot forward in a job interview without distorting the truth to the point that it becomes a lie.

We begin with another important career management principle: If you do not sell yourself, who will?  Selling yourself is one the most important keys to a successful job search.  This is where embellishment slides into view, the art of trying to differentiate one’s self from the competition, to make one’s self  indispensable to a prospective company. 

On one side is the school of thought that embellishment is a time-honored tradition for executives who have gotten the sack and are trying to find a new gig in an extremely competitive employment market. I think this falls into the category of putting the best foot forward.  If you fall into the “two left feet” category, meaning that you have three or four short employment tenures, the use of aggressive embellishment is discouraged because it will lack any sense of credibility.

When you take embellishment beyond the realm of possibility or reality, it moves into the range of lying.  There are two types of lies:  commission as in “I engineered a $21 million turnaround of my hospital in six months,” from a CEO who had three jobs in less than five years and a record of performance politely described as unremarkable.  The second lie is one of omission which is illustrated by a real life example of the candidate who was one of two finalists to be CFO of a specialty hospital company.  He failed to disclose his four felony convictions, an automatic disqualification as a would-be officer of a public company.  When confronted with these findings on a telephone call between the search firm partner, the candidate exploded with an imaginative use of expletives, combining a certain gerund with inanimate objects as well as questioning the birth heritage of people near and dear to the recruiter.

In the end, when his tirade of invectives ran its course, he finally admitted to the unpleasant, uncomfortable, inconvenient and, in the case of his career, disruptive truth:

“It was a bad divorce.”

Then there was the story of an outstanding CEO who admitted that 16 months prior to the interview with the search consultant that he had spent 90-days in a nationally known center for substance abusers.  He was completely candid about the events that led up to his decision to seek help.   He was remarkably authentic in explaining how this  personal crisis had changed his life and made him a better leader.

He got the job.

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about life's ironies, humor and the ups and downs of  life.  He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.

For more articles focusing on career management and an excellent resume guide, visit JohnGSelf.Com.

TRAVELER'S JOURNAL: Important Quest For Relevance

I love music -- almost all genres -- from rap, hip-hop,  pop/top 40, hits from the 50s and 60s, big band, classical, opera, and yes, even country, although I do enjoy the joke that country music is one of life’s great oxymoron’s.

My MacBook Pro and iPad are loaded with more than 3,900 songs -- that is about 10.7 days of music, according to iTunes.  Music is a great and good companion while working out, on long flights, in hotel rooms or airports.  I rarely go anywhere without my music. 

People are amazed -- some marvel -- at my eclectic musical tastes.  For me it is about having an open mind to new forms of expression.  Most importantly, it is also about staying relevant. 

I love what I do, and I am in no hurry to retire.  In fact, after a costly partnership divide and the Great Recession, I was forced to join a new club: ‘The 2030’.  Hopefully, by the year 2030, I will finally be able to retire, to borrow a line from a long ago retirement planning presentation.  This fact, for me and many other Baby Boomers, means that I must keep up and adapt, or I will be toast.

The truth is that I listen to pop music as one way to stay current with trends and ideas.  I also am active on social media sites.  Why?  In about five years, members of Generation X, Y and the Millennials will be my clients -- the executives who hire me -- not just employees of my clients.  If you are not current regarding how they use technology and social media sites to communicate, how they think, or what they like or dislike, you will be viewed as irrelevant.  Clients do not hire consultants who are not relevant.  A word to the wise, this will especially be true of future generations.

I like the fact that people are amazed at my listening habits; I enjoy the reactions. Sometimes it is a conversation starter, sometimes a conversation ender.  Sometimes there are other consequences.

On a recent overnight United Airlines flight from Anchorage to Dallas via Houston, I emerged from the bathroom, my headphones around my cheek, when I was stopped by a young flight attendant.  “Mr. Self, what are you listening to?” she asked.  “Some Jay-Z, Tinie Tempah, Cobra Starship, Bad to Evil, Pink, Lady Ga Ga…”  There was a brief look of surprise.  For about 7 seconds I felt cool, current, with it, up to date -- relevant.   Then she replied, “Oh I think it is so cool…that a man your age listens to that kind of music.”

Hmmm. 

© 2012 John Gregory Self

To invite John Self to be a speaker at your meeting or function, contact Kathleen Sullivan of The Sullivan Group in Houston. John is an entertaining and informative speaker who talks about life's ironies, humor and the challenges we face. He consistently receives high ratings for his presentations.